I always have these grand plans–which always turn out to be more like delusional ideas. Example: How I’m going to be just like one of those writers who can work on two projects at once.

I’ve been trying that on and off for years. I think I only made the stress on me worse when I hung out in an online writers community (which I’m still currently taking a vacation from), and I’d see all these writers being all savvy and productive by working on two (sometimes more) projects at once. And it’s not their fault I got stressed. I know that no one can make me feel anything but myself.

I don’t know why I continue to try and do something that clearly will never work for me. Or it’s something I just can’t do right now.

I had the brilliant idea to compromise with myself. I would take a break from Grant and Lauren and work on a different project to get the fun back into writing. Grant and Lauren and I have taken a lot of hits in the past few months–and we so do not suck–and I thought maybe we all needed a break from each other.

The break (though I’m thinking it may be brief) has been well spent. I started drafting a medical romance that I can definitely get just as excited about as Grant and Lauren. That is a good thing. I had grand plans of working through First Draft in 30 Days with the MedRom and actually do each day on the day I’m supposed to do. (Something I’ve yet to master.)

But then there’s this contest. And maybe I should write weird for it.

But I haven’t written weird in five years. I’m convinced I’ve lost my weird voice. But I am taking the Fast Draft/Revision Hell class–that I’m already a week (and pages) behind on. (Though this time it’s not my fault.)

But a funny thing happened on Tuesday. The bedroom ceiling leaked. It could’ve been worse, yet with how I acted… you’d think there was a flood. (I had a right to go on a rage when I discovered one of my Longaberger baskets had a damp bottom.)

Some of my writing notebooks got a little moist. Brown liquid in places that I still can’t figure out how it all got there. Stray papers I’ve been meaning to file had really soggy corners.

It was all Grant and Lauren stuff.

The universe obviously wants me to get back to Grant and Lauren so much that it decided to pee on it.

It’s a learning experience for me. I’ve worked on Grant and Lauren off and on in binges for going on two years. (It’ll be two years this Labor Day weekend). There’ve been times when I had to stop. Usually either life got in the way (a two-part move to Philly; losing both my jobs in December 2007), or I just did not know what to do with the story. Usually I’d just wait it out; certain I’d write again sometime. Sooner or later. Usually later.

But I’ve got this other WIP that haunts me. It’s my science fiction WIP. I wrote the first draft during three NaNoWriMos (2002-2004). Then I shelved it with the plan of getting back to it someday–probably when I’d become an older and wiser writer.

I’ve thought about the SF WIP off and on since. And when I stare at all the material–I have binders full of God knows what, and folders full of God knows what, and a story full of God knows what–I just shut down. All the material I have for the SF WIP fills up one shelf. It’s overwhelming.

The leaky bedroom ceiling has taught me that one of the reasons why the SF WIP is overwhelming is that it’s all disorganized. Everything I need for it–even though it’s all confined to a shelf and a file box–is disorganized. Much how what Grant and Lauren is becoming.

With Grant and Lauren… I have three binders full of God knows what, and a file box of God knows what, and stray papers here and there of God knows what, and files on four different computers.

Deja vu? Why, yes.

So I need to get organized. It’s not an excuse for me not to write. If I can get Grant and Lauren organized, then I can get back to the story because their story is there. It’s just currently suffocating in God knows what.

Lesson #1 that I’ve learned from Grant and Lauren is the need to work on projects that jazz you. If Lesson #2 is to take the time to develop some sort of organizational system so you can put all the God knows what into some kind of order… so be it. It’ll be another lesson I’ve learned that will get me back to my SF WIP.

I’m blogging today at Romantic Inks after a three-Sunday absence. Come learn about the crap that overwhelmed me, and share your ideas on how to get writing (and keep writing) in spite of crap.

http://romanticinks.com/2009/06/07/wheres-stephanie/

Also — voting in the NYC Midnight Tweet Me a Story Contest ends at 10 p.m. tomorrow (June 8)! Final round finalists will be announced at 11:59 p.m. tomorrow. (Top five stories in each group go on to the final round.) If you haven’t voted already… and if you like my story… please vote for me. You can vote for many stories as you like in as many groups as you like.

I’m in Group 4 - Secret: http://bit.ly/gWUn0
My story is the fifth one down; written by Stephanie Smith.

Thanks bunches for the blog visit and the votes!

I vowed I’d never do these contests where you’d have to troll for votes… but…

I’m a finalist in NYC Midnight’s Tweet Me A Story Contest!

Last Wednesday… entrants had five hours to write a story in 140 characters or less using an assigned word.

I’m in Group 4. Had to write a story using the word “secret.”

You can vote for me here: http://bit.ly/gWUn0

My science fiction digital TV story is 5th story down; by Stephanie Smith

You can vote for as many stories as you like and in as many groups as you’d like, but I’d really appreciate it if you like my story enough to swing a vote my way.

While there’s cash prizes, I’d love the chance to be one of the top 10 writers in the final round to score free entry into NYC Midnight’s Creative Writing Competition as I always have the best time writing in these contests.

Thanks bunches!

Yes, I redid my web site. Again.

I think I was trying to do too much on my WordPress-powered web site. Oooh, learn about Stephanie! Check out what books she’s writing! Look at all that nifty news she’s making!

Honestly?

About me: I’m Stephanie Secrest. Formerly from Cincinnati, Ohio. Currently living in Philadelphia. Moving to Savannah, Ga., in August. I live with my physicist fiance and our seven cats. Yes, I know, we’re crazy cat people. I’ve heard that joke. A lot. I write chick lit—and, no, my heroines don’t work in the publishing industry nor do they wear Manolo Blahniks or Jimmy Choos.

My books: I have one definite work-in-progress. I refer to it as Grant and Lauren. I’ve been working on them come two years in October.

News: What news?

Unpublished writers make news by finaling and placing in contests. That’s not me. That will never be me. Any contest finals and placements I snag… I am convinced it’s all a fluke.

So no bios, no big fancy excerpts, no brags (unless it’s the rare one). I’m keeping things simple and not redoing this web site again until I make a sale.

Because I am obsessively compulsive with music playlists, I’m outlining Grant and Lauren to song.

I couldn’t find “Don’t Forget To Breathe” by Bitter:Sweet on imeem, so after track 3 plays, press pause, read the lyrics to the aforementioned song here, then resume playing.

Here’s what I used for chapter 1:

Grant and Lauren: Chapter 1

I expressed my rabid love of Bruegger’s Bagels as my magical writing place, lamented how there’s not one in Savannah, Ga., and am curious about your magical writing places… today at Romantic Inks.

http://romanticinks.com/2009/03/29/magical-writing-places/

Wednesday was Golden Heart Announcement Day… where possibly up to 1,000 entrants were all playing cool by claiming they weren’t going to sit by their phone or check the RWA or Judi Fennell’s web site because they weren’t going to get the call.

Really? All those entrants were playing the “what-if” game. They wouldn’t be human if they didn’t.

I didn’t get The Call. I pretty much knew since bombing with this entry in the Chase the Dream Contest and the Marlene (no need to send those scoresheets back to me, seriously) that there was no way in hell or beyond that I’d be a GH finalist. I even joked about it over at Romance Divas when Amanda Brice asked who was ignoring that Wednesday was GH/Rita phone call day.

My response: “It’s easy to ignore when you know you’re going to lose! ”

No. It’s not easy to ignore when you know you’re going to lose.

The fiance took Wednesday off work, and the plan was to spend the day in Atlantic City. That plan was shot all to hell the night before… I was up until about 4 a.m. between having to do emergency laundry (after having a glass of wine knocked on me) and obits. I didn’t even hear the alarm go off at 8:00 and then again at 8:30. Woke up at 10 a.m., and we decided it was pretty much pointless to go to Atlantic City. Wouldn’t get much of a trip out of it, considering it’d be like a four hour round trip.

That meant I was here in Philadelphia… where my computers and cell phone are.

No phone call.

Subjected myself to Judi Fennell’s GH/Rita blog party where two entrants (both divas) I called being finalists last week were indeed finalists. A couple hours later… my category was half way called. Another check sometime later… another diva made it on to the list, and my category was done.

My response to my fiance: “I’m like the Mike Matusow of romance writing.”

I rarely final. On the rare occasions I do, I’m always a first place loser, i.e., I win second place. It reminds me of the times I see Mike Matusow play on Poker After Dark and he loses and goes home sixth place because he does something stupid. (He only recently won his first Poker After Dark title).

I gave myself the pep talk the night before; that it was okay I wasn’t going to be a finalist. I took a good hard look at my situation… at where I stand with Grant and Lauren (my GH entry)… and I realized:

It’s just not my time.

Seriously. I am in no place where I could get the maximum benefit out of being a GH finalist. Yes, you have to have a completed manuscript to enter the GH. You have to send in the full manuscript to RWA for proof… and to have on file in case you final and a final round judge requests your manuscript. This is the second time I’ve entered, and the back half of the full manuscript needs revision. We’re not talking light revision either. But I always enter with the goal of revising the hell out of that back half from December until finalists are announced in March. (I am not the only entrant who does this.) But then life and my winter funk always creeps up, and that goal kinda falls to the wayside.

So with what entry RWA had on file for me… had I been a finalist and my manuscript was requested… I would be stuck having RWA send what I had sent back in November because I would’ve had no revised full to send them instead. (Finalists have the option to replace the manuscript on file if they get a request. They have like 24 hours or something to get a revised full to RWA.) That would be embarrassing.

GH finalists get first dibs at the editor and agent appointments at the National Conference in July. I wouldn’t be able to do that. While I’ve got a story, damn if I can pitch it because I’m not sure if the story is supposed to be how it’s written right now.

Once you’re a GH finalist, if you have any submissions out with editors or agents, it’s expected that you call or email whoever has your submission and inform them that you’re a GH finalist. I’ve heard of finalists getting bumped up to the top of the slush pile. I’ve heard of finalists selling before National. I wouldn’t be able to do this either because Grant and Lauren aren’t submitted anywhere.

So, see? It’s just not my time.

But that didn’t stop me from riding that bipolar emotional roller coaster all day Wednesday.

Your response: “You’re jealous of the three divas who finaled.”

Yes and no. (Hey… I’ll own up to it.)

I’m not jealous the way you’re probably thinking… like I’m just as good as those three divas. I should’ve finaled with them. It’s not fair. No. I read bits of one diva’s entry. I’ve read a short story by the other finalist. They both deserve their finals. The third diva finalist… I’ve never read anything by her. Please don’t take that comment the wrong way, like her final is somehow less because it’s not. Her final is just as awesome and proves she rocks as a writer. I just haven’t read anything by her, so I’m not familiar with her style or her stories. That’s why I couldn’t call her last week when I said the other two would be finalists.

I’m jealous because I am not on their level–and I damn well should be. I should’ve been writing more often, producing more stories, and stop letting life get in the way all these years. The three finalists are very dedicated writers. I’ve been nothing but a flakey writer since I’ve started “seriously pursuing” this writing thing back in 2002.

And embarrassment even crept in. I don’t know the official number of divas who entered the GH… but me and the three finalists were vocal about how we entered whenever the GH was brought up during these past few months. I can’t even bring myself to really post anything on that damn forum because I’m paranoid that everyone will think, “Oh, there’s that Stephanie Secrest. She was the only diva who didn’t final. God, she must really suck.”

And, yeah, logically… I know that everyone there has a whole hell of a lot of better things to think about than how I didn’t final in the GH. But when you ride that bipolar emotional roller coaster… logic tends to fly out of the car the moment you go down that first hill.

I am feeling better. I’ve poked around on the forum today. I still need to post my congrats to the three finalists. But I’ve spent a lot of time–a lot of time– these past few days thinking about what I need to do to reach my next level.

The two things that will guide my decisions:

Getting back to the pure fun I experienced when I first wrote Grant and Lauren.

My favorite Glenn Beck quote: “The moment you stop worrying about success is when success will happen.”

Okay, so I’m almost a week late pimping my day over at Romantic Inks. But it’s not like blog posts have an expiration date the way milk does. Take a break and go read today!

I discussed world-building on Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

Highlights:

After attending my first RWA/NYC meeting this month, I can acknowledge that, yes, my science fiction/cyberpunk/urban fantasy/romantic elements mess (mess, not ms.) does indeed exist.

I go on a tangent why I’ve been blocked on it for almost five years (it’s all about the world-building).

I pick apart a science fiction/cyberpunk erotic romance short story I read last week as one step (of many) to break past my block.

The light bulb then clicks on above my head.

I get into the St. Patrick’s festivities by sharing a picture of what I had for breakfast.

http://romanticinks.com/2009/03/15/world-building-it-skeres-me/

I’ll be back on Romantic Inks on March 29!

This dip is super easy and cheap to make! As a low carb dieter, I find it yummy to eat plain. I’m sure it’d be a good dip for raw broccoli too. I, however, was a bad girl and gorged on it with Tostitos Hint of Lime tortilla chips. (I am *so* sorry, Dr. Atkins. R.I.P.)

_____

* Exported from MasterCook Mac *

Fiesta Tomato-Cheese Dip

Recipe By : Del Monte - http://www.delmonte.com
Serving Size : 16 Preparation Time :0:05
Categories : Appetizers Mexican
Dips Steph’s Favorites
Low Carb

Amount Measure Ingredient — Preparation Method
——– ———— ——————————–
1 can 14 1/2 oz. - Del Monte Petite Cut
Zesty Diced Tomatoes with Jalapenos
1 pound pasteurized cheese product — cut in cubes
tortilla chips

1. Combined undrained tomatoes and cheese in saucepan.

2. Cook over low heat, stirring until blended and smooth, about five minutes.

3. Serve warm with tortilla chips.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Per serving (excluding unknown items): 0 Calories; 0g Fat (0% calories from fat); 0g Protein; 0g Carbohydrate; 0mg Cholesterol; 0mg Sodium

NOTES : * It’s low carb, if you eat it plain or use raw vegetables in place of the tortilla chips.

“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.”

– Ray Bradbury